A giant digital clock rules the room. It ticks down the allotted six minutes in seconds, and an unignorable alarm leaves no one in any doubt of when their time is up. The space has a frenetic speed dating vibe.
But this is not speed dating. These are parent teacher interviews. And many of the parents are there to squeeze the most out of the teachers and every second they have with them.
I admire the teachers for being able to give the right information about the right kid to the right parents, respectfully and diplomatically. And I feel compassion for them because they are the shock absorber for a new parent’s emotions every six minutes. I’ve heard (from teacher friends) those emotions can be intense and not always politely expressed.
Teachers are overworked, underpaid, and too often disrespected by parents who should know better than to take out their frustrations on those who dedicate their career to educating our children. Parents should have the insight to recognise that their child’s learning outcomes are the result of many factors. What the teacher is doing is only one variable.
A child’s ability to function happily at school is affected by many things that their teacher has no control over.
Teachers (generally) have no control over whether a child has had a decent breakfast, no breakfast, or a slurpie for breakfast before they arrive at school. They don’t control whether that child is given the space to express their emotions safely at home, and whether they are given unconditional love and support in challenging times. Teachers often have no control over whether they have an adequate number of teacher aides and other support staff for the class they are allocated. Teachers don’t control whether a child has an undiagnosed and/or unmanaged medical condition that affects the child’s behaviour.
I appreciate that for many parents giving their child food, a safe home, and appropriate medical care, is something they are unable to provide. If a child lives with a medical condition or disability that is poorly understood or inadequately supported by the school, or if a parent suspects their child is being abused by a teacher, of course they must advocate for their child. But these instances are not what this post is about.
This post is about the parents who live with none of the above circumstances, stopping to appreciate what a fantastic job most teachers do with our children. This post is about stopping before you abuse or accuse a teacher of being responsible for aspects of your child’s development that they are just not responsible for.
I approach parent teacher interviews with empathy for my children’s teachers, even the teachers who other parents whisper sharply about. Over the ten years that I have had a child or children at school I have learnt that some years my children have brilliant teachers whom they love and work well with.
Some years their teachers do a good, solid job. And some years they have teachers who they don’t click with, who may not handle difficult situations in the classroom as well as one of the brilliant teachers might have. These last teachers may not be my children’s favourites, but they haven’t broken my children either. Because (unless a teacher is abusive) the ‘not breaking the children’ responsibility is largely mine and my husband’s.
I generally keep my parent teacher interviews to four questions:
How is my child’s behaviour?
Are they making an effort?
Are there any areas where they are falling behind enough to warrant additional support?
Does the teacher have any concerns about my child?
The answers tell me more than a six-minute gallop through their work books would.
I’ve found high school involves fewer parent teacher interviews. So, when the notification option to book in for parent teacher interviews was emailed out recently, I asked each child if they wanted me to book any interviews. The year 7 child nominated a teacher he wanted me to catch up with. I asked if there was anything in particular he wanted me to mention, and he said:
‘No. I just really want you to meet my favourite teacher.’
The interview was last night. Just after the screech of the alarm ending the previous parent’s time, I sat down opposite my child’s favourite teacher. We introduced ourselves. She sipped hot tea from a big, green mug. Her voice was a little hoarse. A Covid leftover. She asked me what I’d like to cover. I told her:
‘He just wanted me to meet his favourite teacher.’
The teacher’s whole face smiled: ‘That has made my day.’
We briefly touched on my usual questions and as I stood up, I said: ‘Thank you for everything you do.’
The whole interaction took exactly four minutes.
The teacher stood with me and smiled again: ‘I’ve got two minutes left to get a fresh cup of tea before the next one.’
You may also like to check out these other posts:
Rewards For Reports: Entitled or Deserved?
Mental Health Parenting Truths 101
4 thoughts on “The Four Minute Teacher’s Gift”
Anita, that was so beautifully written and spot on. I wish we could post this piece in every school newsletter. I love reading your work!
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Thanks so much Alana. I really appreciate you reading my work!
Another terrific post Anita, in this week where in NSW teachers are agitating for changes. How you passed on your son’s feedback about his favourite teacher will quite possibly be in the category of that teacher’s career highlights.
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Thanks Judy. Being able to do it was one of the highlights of my week, and a good topic for a blog post!