CW: minor mention of severe bipolar 1 disorder symptoms – no detail
It is World Bipolar Day again. Some years I’ve celebrated and advocated. Others I’ve greeted the day with anger. Others again it has barely registered.
I first became aware of WBD around 2018, the beginning of Thought Food and my training as a peer ambassador with SANE. The beginning of my mental health advocacy era. Over years I have poured thousands of words borne of my lived experience and opinions about this illness into Thought Food. Some perhaps a little naive, but they felt right at the time.
For the last year or so I have had nothing new to say about this slippery illness whose symptoms and response to treatments vary from patient to patient.
But my algorithm made it impossible to forget that WBD is today, and I didn’t feel averse to a spot of writing. So here we are.
My bipolar disorder keeps me humble.
It reminds me I can’t shove myself through brick walls driven by ego and will, the way I did before it joined me.
How do I feel about living with it?
I won’t sugar coat it. My last hospital admission was 6 months ago. Except for a brief period off medication between having my two children, I have been medicated – some would say heavily, but it’s all relative – for 18 years. My thyroid gland has malfunctioned on some of the bipolar medication. Brain trumps thyroid. So, I take thyroid medication to negate the effects of that bipolar medication. I have regular blood tests to monitor other organ systems for compromise from the bipolar medications. If my kidneys take a hit, I will have some big decisions to make. My lifespan is likely to be 10-15 years shorter than the general population courtesy of bipolar 1 disorder, a little less if I manage to dodge suicide.
If this sounds bleak – read on. It’s not all bad.
When I am not symptomatic, which is most of the time, my quality of life sits between good and excellent. I am psychologically healthier than most people I know who don’t live with mental illness. I have worked to get my relationships into good shape. I don’t tolerate toxicity or a lack of self-awareness in those relationships.
I know how much energy I have and where I want to put it, always. Exercise is non negotiable for my health, so I do it and reap the endorphins. For me the idea that bipolar medications stifle creativity is a myth. I fully enjoy my creativity when my brain has been unscrambled by my medication. I am not particularly worried about possibly living for less time because I have the tools to make whatever time I do have great.
In the beginning bipolar 1 disorder threw everything it had at me. Horrifying psychotic episodes, unstoppable mania, catatonic depressive episodes that only responded to electroconvulsive therapy, and suicidal ideations.
I can’t predict what it will challenge me with next, but I have learnt that developing insight into my specific symptom patterns and responding quickly to recognising those patterns when they occur, rather than denying they are happening – as I did in the early years – is key to avoiding the worst ends of the bipolar spectrum.
Early intervention for each episode is crucial. For me that usually means hospital admission to monitor symptoms and adjust medication as needed. My early hospital admissions were often months long. My most recent admission was two weeks.
Now for a bit of advocacy.
If you know someone newly or not so newly diagnosed with bipolar disorder, give them patience. It takes appropriate treatment and support from loved ones to gain initial stability.
In the long term, it also takes hard work and time for the person living with this illness to secure two of the most important contributors to well managed bipolar disorder:
The insight and acceptance to allow them to live with respect for this illness and the space it will occupy in them for the rest of their lives.
Thought Food 